- Chandalere (I was suprised, but no one liked it)
- speed of the actual jump (way too slow)
- too much dependence on dialogue
- TV (where annoncer is talking, liked announcer, but didn't get where it was coming from)
I sat down with Emslie (who came to the screening) and we talked about the two options of death's character. He seemed to really like the new and revised death, mainly because that blasted parachute could be cut). He also felt that because death ultimately wants ES to die that when he does, both character essentally win; Death kills ES and ES finishes his jump.
I think if we go the route of Death wanting ES to die but it too wimpy to actually get the job done, then we'll have to really think hard about how to describe ES and Death's relationship. We need to, in simple terms, tell the audience that death, altho death, is not as strong as folk tales make him out to be, this meening, he can't just touch ES and kill him.
so finally my vote: I vote to work with the new idea of DEATH WANTING ES TO DIE.
STORY IDEAS....(if we go new route of Death)
- Completely take out Parachute. (YAY!!)
- no more chandalier :(
- when ES is doing jump, I was told that the announcer sounds like he already knows what is going to happen, Instead we should make the announcer moreunaware of what comes next, make his lines more too the point and quicker, this will speed up the jump. We need to make the jump more climaxtic, not through obsticles (we've already done this) but through pace.
- Death changes to casual clothes, but instead of him walking to the TV he can mention he's going to watch his soups and ES then immediately interups him with the success of the mock jump and the pea.
- If Death's character changes, do we really need the part when he talks to himself about "where will I go, Ill be a widow". This doesn't work with his new character. we can still show his finger being cut off, and instead, yes is scares him, but then it sparks the whole fact that he's finally gonna get ES. He can maybe point out parts he might kill ES "Oh I'll totally get him there, yes, hehehe!" This might help the audience understand their relationship . When ES interrups him with the phone call we can splice a bit of dialogue off of this bit.
- we can rethink the dialogue at the end, make it a bit more to the point to drill the fact that ultimately they both won, but maybe ES won a bit more, seeing he doesn't care, can I maybe see the script at this part?
That's all I can really think of right now...