Wednesday, October 17, 2007

4TH DRAFT OF THE SCRIPT

* THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, FROM THIS POINT ON, REFER TO THIS DRAFT AS IT CONTAINS REVISIONS WE HAVE COME UP WITH OVER THE PRE-PITCH AND GROUP PITCH PROCESS!*

I added all the dialogue is in there just to get a sense of the character realtionship. It's by no means final diologue and although it may seem diologue heavy we can strip away what we dont need.

PS! I spell checked it, but if we want to use any of this in the pitch package, double check for spelling errors.

Characters:

Evil Stevil:

An aged dare devil who has spent the last few decades of his life perfecting his legendary jump. He has become a fanatic over the completion of his jump and will not die until it is completed. He's grumpy, Old fashioned, 110 years old, and slightly insane.

- Evil Stevil wants to complete the most spectacular jump ever.
- He needs to perfect it before he can attempt it.
- He Jumps, completes it, but dies after he has safely landed it.
- Does not care that he is dead, but is satisfied that he completed what he set out to do and can finally be content with himself and his life.

Death:

Lives with Evil Stevil, waiting for him to finish his jump so that he can move him on to the after life. Death has a reluctant relationship with Evil Stevil (love, hate). He has grown close to Evil Stevil and the two act like an old married couple (Death filling the role of the over bearing wife). Death is the EMOTIONAL character.

- Death wants to take Evil Stevil to the afterlife.
- Death needs to wait for Evil Stevil to die (in the jump)
- Once Evil Stevil finally attempts the jump, Death becomes afraid for him. (irony that death is afraid of his friends death)
- Death now supports Evil Stevil’s survival
- When Evil Stevil does die AFTER the jump, death is upset that he has lost a friend and wants to keep hi maround.

PLOT

Evil Stevil sits at a work table tinkering with a crude model of his legendary jump, evidence around him implies that he is a fanatic dare devil past his prime. A second character, not known to the audience at this point, sits on the couch channel surfing. (Important that one of the stations he passes involves the young, up and coming dare devil. This set’s up the end). As Evil Stevil is attempting to perfect his model he’s shoveling spoon fulls of peas into his mouth and using them to test his model by dropping peas down the ramp. The peas never make it through the model successfully and squash every time, symbolic of his failure to perfect the jump. Death (still unknown to the audience) sits in the chair and impatiently asks Evil Stevil if he is done the jump yet.

Death: Are you finished that jump yet?!? It’s been 50 years Steve, how much longer are you gonna make me wait?! People are gonna forget who Evil Stevil was before you ever finish that thing, and would it kill you to get some more snacks around here?! I’m starving.

ES: Ahhh, shut up you bag of bones. Don’t rush me! They ain’t gonna forget who I am! I’ll be done when I’m done!--- *choking noises*

During their argument, Evil Stevil chokes on one of the peas that he’s eating. As he grabs at his neck and flails around, he knocks the crude model, shifting all the pieces around. The character on the couch slowly begins to rise, as he pulls a scythe out from under his cloak. In an eerie, smooth and mechanical fashion he turns around and it is revealed to the audience that the second character is Death. Death floats towards Evil Stevil who is still choking and moves right up behind Evil Stevil with a very ominous look. Death raises his scythe up high. At this point the audience believes that Death is going to take Evil Stevil while choking on the pea. In an uncharacteristic twist for Death, he brings the scythe down, but with a very gentle nudge, pops Evil Stevil in the back with the but of his scythe, which acts as a sort of Heimlich maneuver. This action sends the pea shooting out of his throat. It gracefully goes through the model with ease. The pea rolls to a calm stop at the end of the jump. It works. Evil Stevil stares at the jump in frozen amazement as Death begins to talk.

Death: oh common! Are you serious Steve? You’ve been working on this “legendary” jump for decades. You’re not gonna die from something as pathetic as a can of peas.

(This foreshadows the end, and is ironic, because Evil Stevil DOES in fact die fro ma can of peas.)

Evil Stevil, who is still staring in amazement at the model jump, says:

ES: Shut Up BONEY! Didn’t you see what just happened?!? IT WORKS! By golly, the dang jump finally works!!

Evil Stevil realizes that it’s finally time to do his legendary jump. As He run’s around the room in a scramble, getting ready to do his jump. Death, steps towards the model and begins to examine it. Death, who had just become accustomed to lazing around the house with Evil Stevil, never really took the time to carefully look at what Evil Stevil had been working on. Death pokes at the jump with a skeptical/ concerned look and begins to try to talk Evil Stevil out of it. Meanwhile, Evil Stevil ignores everything Death says, and continues on getting himself ready for the big jump.

(The dialogue I write here are just a mash up of all the ideas, it can be stripped down or changed)

Death: So this is it? You’re actually gonna attempt to do this thing?

ES: Death! Fetch me my good JUMPIN’ pants!

Death: I don’t know about this Steve. It doesn’t look very safe. Why don’t you work on it a little longer before you do anything crazy.

ES: Where’s my lucky colostomy bag??!?

Death: Next to your lucky Catheter…Seriously Steve, I don’t think this is safe. You could get seriously hurt…or worse. Do you really think you can make it through 4 flaming hoops?

ES: You’re right. I need at least 8…and how many times have I told you to put the seat down?!?! You know I like to sit when I urinate!

Death: I don’t know Steve, this is just so sudden. Why don’t we sleep on it?

ES: Shut up Skinny! I’m making an important phone call!

Evil Stevil picks up and old style phone and without even dialing says:

ES: Hello? Mr. President. It’s Evil Stevil, Sir. Notify the country! I’m gonna JUMP AGAIN!

This would be the first act break. After Evil Stevil in on the phone, the title card would appear. As the camera zooms out from the title card we see it as a poster hung up for the day of the jump. An establishing shot of the event is shown and we see the spectacular jump by a massive gorge with bleachers full of people all anxiously waiting. Death is With Evil Stevil who is at the Top of the jump getting ready to go. Death is still trying to talk Evil Stevil out of doing the jump. While Evil Stevil prepares himself in his wheel chair, Death is kicking at the shoddy workmanship of the jump, and picking up loose boards. It is implied that the jump was erected in a very short period of time with minimal money.

Death: Steve. Please. Don’t go through with this. Let’s just go home. Dancing with the Stars is on tonight!

ES: Bah! You worry too much, you dandy!

Death: But look at this thing. (Kicks at the jump and it shakes around.) It looks like it was built in a day!

ES: It was! I got a good deal on it too! Now, Step aside Stretch, and watch Evil Stevil do what he was born to do!

Death: *sigh* fine…good luck buddy.

Death disappears in a cloud of smoke, and Evil Stevil Wheel’s to the edge of the initial ramp. Death sits in the audience, looking anxious for the spectacle to begin. In one last moment of suspense, Evil Stevil wheels his way to the edge of the ramp, and an announcer’s voice booms.

Announcer voice over speakers: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!...AFTER 50 YEARS IN THE MAKING…HERE TO ATTEMPT HIS LEGENDARY JUMP!....EVIL!...STEVIL!

Evil Stevil wheels off the edge of the jump and zips through the most spectacular jump the world has ever seen. During the jump, continuous cuts are made back to death in the audience as he becomes increasingly more concerned for Evil Stevil’s safety. Death makes comments like:

Death: OMG! Rattle snakes?!!?!...he never told me about the rattle snakes!!! He could get seriously hurt!

Death can also be randomly seen wearing giant foam fingers or waving flags as his support for Evil Stevil’s safe completion of the jump grows. Just as Evil Stevil is about to land the final portion of the jump, it seems he is in the clear until his wheel chair strikes a can of peas lying in the sand, which sends him off balance. The chair flips forward, sending Evil Stevil’s body violently to the ground. In controlled chaos, he topples and rolls across the sand until his battered body slides up into the stage between two models. A photographer leans in to snap a picture the models look down at Evil Stevil’s crumpled body and scream. Death steps up to Evil Stevil’s crumpled body as time pauses. He begins crying at the death of his roomie/ friend. In an ironic twist death is saddened at the death of the man he was sent to collect. Evil Stevil’s soul sits up dazed and looks at death.

ES: what’re you blathering about you wimp!

Death: Y-you’re dead. (Crying out of control)

ES: yeah well…I made the jump right? It still counts doesn’t it?!?

Death: yeah, you did, bu--- (interrupted by Steve)

ES: haha! That’s all I need to hear, Boney! Now how do I get the hell outta here! (Slaps death on the back out of joy while death is still crying)

Death: I can’t go with you…This is it, after 50 years, it’s over…so I guess this is good-bye…Jus-Just walk towards the light... (Crying)

(Evil Stevil pauses, confused by Death’s sadness, but ES is oblivious to the reason why, and doesn’t even attempt to make him feel better.)

ES: ohhh…well…See ya!

In one last attempt to keep his friend, Death starts talking to himself out loud, so that Evil Stevil will hear.

Death: Well! What do I do now?! (Flips through a clip board of paper) OH! Looks like my next assignment is a young up and coming dare devil who’s gonna try to do an even BETTER jump than yours Steve.

Evil Stevil Stops dead in his tracks right in front of the “light” he slowly looks back at Death looks back at the light and then kicks it and it flickers off like a fluorescent light. Evil Stevil, unable to leave knowing someone might beat his record, turns around and starts walking back towards death. Death smiles knowing that he was successful in manipulating Evil Stevil into staying with him.

ES: WHAT!?! I’m comin' with you! Some young PUNK thinks he’s better than me! Why, I’m gonna FIX his wagon good! Kids today got no respect for their elders. I’m a national TREASURE! He can’t knock ME off the map that easy! Blah, Blah, Blah…

Evil Stevil continues to rant as the two float away together.

6 comments:

Jason Park said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jason Park said...

Great story. I think it's really solid!

Some mistakes I found:

- keep hi maround. (in Death's description)

- pops Evil Stevil in the back with the but of his scythe (but should be butt? not sure though)

- This foreshadows the end, and is ironic, because Evil Stevil DOES in fact die [fro ma can] of peas.

Kayla McIlwaine said...

I read through the whole thing and think I got them all, there were grammar and spelling mistakes, but on the whole AWESOME! thanks Frank!

Franker12 said...

haha awww...me fail english? that's unpossible!

thanks for the edit guys

Haine Kim said...

great story revision,

I didn't get to hear the ending
but its great!
i think the whole relationship works great just like the donkey and shrek ... or, many other movies which deals with good friendship and companion that can't be separated! altho its only one sided love :D seducing the old stevie xD haha

good work frank!

Tracy said...

I sent you a word file XD

I love some of the one liners in there :D Catheter ftw.